Scratch your own back because nobody else will do it for you...

I had kinda forgot that line a teacher used to say all the time. Still she'd scaratch our back every once in a while. Don't take it litterally...by that she meant that you oughtta take care of yourself and put yourself first because others won't put you first. You see, we live in an individualistic society...people worship the "me, myself and I" mentality... I don't think I do...I try to think about other people, sometimes more than myself.

Feels good when you get recognition for what you do...doesn't it? Does it happen often though? Hmmm...if you're lucky like I once was, it happens or happened often. Unfortunatly now I gotta learn to scratch my own back. I'm always scared of sounding narcissistic so I stay in the shadow, don't brag about what I do great etc. If I'm asked if I'm good at something, I always reply that I'm alright not amazingly good even if I'd be. Lack of confidence? Maybe...For sure, I'd never say I'm the best...when you're the best, there's not place for failure. But I do hate failing...When I do...it makes me lack even more confidence.

"The only difference between failing and falling is whether or not you choose
to get up." Author Unknown

Nice quote...I like it a lot, it is true...I associate it with the previous one. Even if you failed, you must've done something good; maybe it's just that you learned from your mistake. So scratch your back and get back up. We have a tendancy to look for comfort, love, tenderness elsewhere while it's right inside of us. Yes, it is...I've realised that...because only you know what you need, what's good for you. What you want, where you're headed...the choice is always yours...no one else's... Maybe this is why they won't scratch your back...

And if they do...maybe they have an ulterior motive? Oh, well who cares...It feels just as good scratching my back than having someone scratch it for me...even better scratching it myself I think...So this is it.

I say this to everyone...scratch your own back and feel damn good about it. And if someone scratches it for you, make it double. Always feels good! ;)

A table, a chair maybe?

Have you ever felt like you were part of the fournitures? Maybe the decoration... I guess everyone has, at leat once in there life. I don't like trying to be the center of attention. I'm the quiet one, I could be standing there for a while and you wouldn't notice. I'm probably crying inside 'cause I feel invisible when I know I am not. So why doesn't anyone care? Why doesn't anyone care to make me part of the life instead of the fournitures?

Maybe I give the impression that it's alright with me... Yeah, I guess, wll maybe not... I mean, I do get out of my corner every once in a while but I probably don't make a strong impression. Yup, that may be why... SO in a way I'm nothing...or it's just: "let her be, it's ok, she doesn't mind. ­" I DO MIND!!! Hell if I take the time to be somewhere, I doubt it was to stand in a lonely corner... Yeah, my corner.

That corner with I've shared a love/hate relationship with, for years. Love because when some creeps get on your case it's always welcome. Hate, because you can just become trapped in there and become it. Invisible...I'm not, I try to get myself noticed and not go overboard, 'cause I can't stand being the center of attention. I can't stand being ignored either. Am I normal?!

For example at a party, ever notice how everyone encourages you to come and once you're there, if you're like me, you're on your own! It's like a big : GOOD LUCK!!! And if you're "lucky" enough and you know the organiser will sure come to say hi and tell you to "join the party." Hell some will even try to force you into a group. They'll make presentations, stay a few minutes and once they're gone, well you're fourniture again.

Hell, I guess I deserve better than that, maybe I should learn to vocalize more?!? Just that it's hard to forget old me who'd go balistic and scream over nothing! I'd always make a fuss. It was pretty impossible to miss me unless, of course, you were deaf!!! I don't know, I've never found a balance. Really sucks, and sometimes you're not only in a corner, you're also cornered... You try to make yourself heard and it doesn't seem to work, you'd wanna leave but don't want it to seem too obvious why you are...

Lol, don't ask me for the answer to this dilemma. I guess it's all about how you see things. You choose to think about yourself or spare guilt to those who were surrounding you! So anyhow, let me know what your choice is. ;)

And you'll never know how good it feels...

Ok, I will sound narcissistic, but put it like that...I have a high opinion of myself. Everyone should. Lately I had some people in my life who were getting the best of me...Ouf, yeah, so out of 3, 1 is gone, Jill. That was just great and I told the others what bugged me about them! I think I never felt this good! So back to Jill, I wish I could say I cared a lot.

But I tell myself she never really appreciated me, took avantage of me, sure, but no real appreciation. This makes me value my real friends even more, but it also makes me suspicious of new people in my life. It's easy not to appreciate someone an take advantage of all the little goo things they bring into your life.

We had fun, shared laughter not really tears, mostly fun, but I realise I do not like what she brought into my life. Mostly, lets be honest, bad behaviour...it's cool for sometime but when you look back at it, you put it in the corner of your mind as youth mistakes! ;)

You'll never know how good it feels...yeah, that's for her but in my life, Jill's not the only one who's done me wrong. I LOVE my friends! I'd be there 'til the end and I'd do whatever I can for them. Well so long as I consider them real friends...I'm picky and anytime I've let my guards down, well,I've realised I shouldn't have. I can hold a grudge, won't let it destroy me but believe me, I can hold it forever.

I can also forgive but it will never be the same. Know the saying: "You're forgiven but not forgotten." That's what I live by. So anyone who does me wrong will never know how good it feels to have someone like me in their life. A friend that will be there and not give up on you unless you give up on me. 'Cause if you do, in a way, you're just not a friend at all. I bother for some people but not all. Some I just know I care and always will no matter what they do. Others, I just let go...they don't deserve my worrying.

As for those of you (my friends) if you don't know that I care you should know very soon and I've probably told you before. But I sure will once again and every once in a while so you always know, you are special to me. I definitly know how good it feels to have you in my life. ;)