Love yourself the way you are...

Why is it so hard to accept that we are a certain way? Of course there are always some things we can change but not everything. And why do we want to change whatever it is we want to change? Hapiness?! Well here's my 2 cents!

I'm a freak in certain ways, well maybe not but I suffer from anxiety a lot. My little remedy?! "Don't sweat the small stuff and it's all small stuff" by Richard Carlson. Yeah, if you're like me, I'll even go further and suggest the audio book. It's a real unexpensive therapy. ;) I can't quite remember what exactly the lines says but it's something like that: "Wherever you are going, you're already there." (The basic idea is still there.) As in, like he says, we always think we need more to be happy. But hapiness starts right there with us. Doesn't it? It's a bit like the Good Mood story, you choose how anything and everything affect you.

So...if you choose to love yourself the way you are, will it matter what other people say? Hell, the other day I went out, and I was dressed extremely sexy I gotta say. I was thinking I went overboard but still I was like :Ok. too bad, I'm already out, I look good, I'm sexy it's all good. I'm walking, on my way to the bus stop, this idiotic judgemental guy who's with his friends, probably wanted to whisper, but I heard, says: "she's such a slut." Now in my mind I went like , wait a minute...but I just kept walking! Why? 'Cause I chose it wouldn't affect me! He thinks I dress too sexy...ok, that makes me a slut? To his eyes maybe.

So let say, for example, that I'm fat. Someone calls me a big fat ugly pig. Well, should I let it affect me? Nope. Why? Simple, maybe I'm not the prettiest of the bunch and maybe I'm fat but it's ok, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it's for sure someone will see past that. I say that to anyone who doesn't feel right. Lately my friend's been stressing over a guy who said he wasn't interested to be with someone and then his with someone not so long after. Yeah, the other person is fit and god looking so my friend is obssesing.

"I'm not good looking enough, I'm not fit enough, I'm not attractive, this is killing me." Sad, because no one deserves to feel this way, but you know what? We're doing this to ourselves! Like I told my friend, do you really want to be with a stupid superficial person? Someone who won't love you for all that you are? My friend is good looking, not rreally fat, not the gym type but who cares? Maybe he did. But someone great who won't will come along.

I say unless it's a question of life and death be realistic. If you want to change, go ahead, but don't think your whole life will come tumbling don't if you don't! you have the right to mess up. Even fail. If you stay the same it's alright, 'cause that's who you are and it's the only way to stay true to yourself. You may see yourself as more attractive in a certain way when others won't! It's alright.

And before heading out for a change, boobs job, weight lost, muscle shaping, make sure it's for yourself and that you already love yourself the way you are. Also ask yourself if it's really going to bring you what you want or just an illusion. Sometimes it's all it brings in the end...deception. If you don't love yourself to start with, you're only starting the change and it will never end!

Listen to the song "Unpretty" by TLC if it's a guy that's pressuring you to change!

AND Love yourselves!!!

I do! :)

Number 1, 2, 3 or maybe 200 007 789...

What's your number? Hmmm...let's see to mastercard, I'm account no. 5258 9489 **** ****, Columbia House *****309596 , Fido, my cell company *******472286, anyhow, to resume....we are a number. All of us...sad but true. The moment you are born in a way. To the gouvernement, you're a social security number, to the compagnies, you're an account number...

So in a way you're nothing, you're a source of revenu...try to call a compagny and say you don't have your account number close to hand, do they ask for a name? Nope! Most of the time, they start with the phone number. We've been having troubles with the phone compagny because the name listed isn't right. Man, for two years, I've been telling them to correct it! But who cares so long as your account number is right?

I assume it, I'm a number to several compagny, I have credit cards, reward cards, bank accounts, memberships etc... Wow, that's a lot. I'm not really keeping track of my accounts no., I only know a few by heart...Never really striked me that I could remember 12-16 digits long numbers.

Maybe that is why I value a great customer service, when they call you by your name and make you forget for a second that you're just a number. Hmmm...also why I value my friends so much and I don't have many? They could never be a number to me. Lol, I could count them on the fingers of the hand and I still have some fingers left. I also like to know that to them I'm not a number. I'm a person. I'm definitly not a source of revenu, lol. Good to know.

It's quite sad to know some old people spend their day calling phone custumer services to have the feeling someone cares. Very sad, they're just a number and eventually the representative will manage to get rid of anyone wo doesn't have an issue to be resolved. Why? Too expensive to chat with an old lady with no life. Time is money...yeah, and people are numbers...

What now?

I have a hard time making decisions...It's like the smallest decision I take will affect my whole life. Maybe not shake it down to the core but since I don't know what the master plan is...I guess I'm right to be a lil' scared. I just finished reading Lightning by Dean R. Kootnz, my favorite author. Wow, lol, for a person like me, that book is something.Then again I can't exactly tell why.

I'm looking for change right now. In the book there's a line that I will try to translate given that I read it in french, it's: "destiny fights to restore what was meant to be"...So I'm thinking, should I just take chances and do whatever the hell I want without thinking twice since I believe in fate which is was destiny is fighting for?

Am I making any sense? Thinking of long lost friends, when they get back into your life, somehow it was meant to be...or if they never do and you just keep living your separate ways isn't there a reason why? Hmmm...I guess it's just like letting go. I think I didn't give my credit to fate lately and I've been trying to make things happen a little too much. I'm thinking of just going with the flow, try a bit and just see what happens.

So no more trying, no more fighting, I'm leaving that to destiny. I won't try to force things anymore, 'cause if it's meant to be...This also means that I'm letting go of a couple of things and people. Sad but true, I think it's all related. I've started already. Hell if it's meant to be, they'll cross my path again someday but I won't try to force it.

Funny how we spend our life fighting instead of just letting it flow...I see something coming up for a friend and you know why I think it's coming? Because she stopped fighting and went on to live her life. Fate will take care of it. People tend to want to rush into it, we shouldn't. In a way, that's my hope. Something great is coming my way eventually. I'm not saying I will sit on my ass and wait for it but I'll stop trying to figure out waht it is and I'll just ive towards the goals I had and whatever that is will only make me more overjoyed when it comes my way.

It will be like a gift from destiny. Destiny has a gift for each and every one of us, I believe. And yeah, sometimes life sucks and you get hit by something bad when you least expect it, but believing in fate helps. Because in a way no matter what really does happen, it was meant to be. I think we have a certain amount of will power but that most of our life is already planned...already written somewhere. Maybe thatt's why some people are able to predict the future?

I saw a card reader about 2 years ago, I believe, hmmm...I'm not going to say she sucked, lol, she was right about everything in the past, made several mistake about my future and predicted other things I never wanted...well maybe when I was way younger! ;)

So I didn't meet the man of my life in march the next year, didn't start my business, didn't have twins! Lol, I'm far from that. So she predicted 3 kids when I wanted none or maybe one, a man when I was pretty much single and only had a fling in march..lol, definitly not the one...though he's coming back...Lol, also my business...well I'm an artist manager, it's sort of a business so I'll give her the benefice of the doubt. Lol, my ex, Dylan, contacted me, opposite to what she said. Hmmm...I'd have to listen to that tape again.

So yeah, apparently she sucks with timing so I'll just see. Still, it was interesting...yeah, I guess I'm out to listen to that tape again. See what fate has in store for me. And I won't make that happen believe me, my personal life plan was far from what seh predicted! So tell you how good she was in about 10-15 years. Lol, also will tell you if fate did a good job!

'Til then keep on livin'!!! :D

It is better to have love and lost than never to have loved at all...

Ever heard about sounding like a broken record? Well I'm lucky I have plenty of CD-R's left because my Whithney Houson never could've handle that much of me playing "Where Do Broken Hearts Go"...Love and lost, this is what this blog is about. Recovery? Maybe...

I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind recently. Twice. Once pretty late, alone and a second time with someone I love...my ex. What's to say...I love this movie. A friend recommended it and since I trust her taste, I bought it. I don't regret it one bit. Before seeing that movie, I was pretty much the person you'd hear say to anyone who would listen that the title of my blog is bull. This is an old draft I'm finishing with a new perspective.

Back to the movie...Joel wants to erase his ex girlfriend Clementine from his memory after hearing she went through the same procedure. As you watch the movie, you're in his mind. You're following the whole process of Joel realising how much he loves her and doesn't wanna forget. So...if you could erase someone you loved, would you?

I definitly would've said yes giving how much I hate being told told it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. But now, I wouldn't say yes. Memories are precious, they can not be replaced, sometimes we take for granted things we shouldn't. And it seems when we get hurt, we'd rather remember the bad, for protection I guess. The movie made me look back...I love my memories, I wouldn't trade them in for nothing in the world. Since I have to, I'll take the good...and the bad. 'Cause when you look back, it wasn't always so bad.

I don't know, this movie is magic. And I value what I have a little more now. I'm kinda scared to have it all taken away from me. True that in a way I wouldn't know, but so long as the choice is mine, I'm keeping it all. Why? Because I can...and I'd feel empty without it, in a way. All my experience made me who I am today and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. Of course, I'll still say it's bull sometimes but deep down?...Maybe it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

And all of you who have never loved? You don't know what your missing! ;)

I will never tell...

Lol, the title is a line from the movie: "Don't Say A Word" Lol, not really related but I thought I'd say this in a funny way not to get angry. I'm trying to remember that this is meant to be positive for our "modern days superheros"???!? Lol, well this reference name is from one of them; a dear friend who witnessed a burglary.

I'm guessing we have two categories here. Maybe more...let's keep it to two.

1.-People who will stop at nothing to try to help bring some justice(not all extremists)
2.-Those who will never tell(not meaning anyone, but those who should know)

So, this is meant to be a tribute to the first ones. So my friend is is her appartement not asking anything from the world(Lol, she unfortunatly never does); when she witnesses something strange. People using the back door of a store, a door she's never seen used before. Like anyone would, she didn't put too much into it. But later the police shows up and something seems to be going on...What does our modern day superhero does? She goes to the police and reports seeing something strange. Ok, she then had to identify suspects and all, lets not get into it. But she's freely investing time. Why?! It's not that hard, just depends how selfish you are.

I badly tried to avoid talking about the second category but her it goes...Those who will never tell...I remember a few years ago, a guy got shot not far from were I live. In the paper they were saying it was like a western scene. He took 12 bullets or something...right after a party that about 200 people attended. No one saw anything. Come on!!!! Anyways, if I were there, I would have told every single little details I knew of. And if I were next to be shot? Well if that helps get those criminals off the streets, I'm happy.

I have another friend that was stabbed in an after-hour and I was pretty shocked to hear that there was a witness who actually talked. They never found the guys who attacked him but at least someone spoke. Which brings me back to our modern day heroes!

Thanks to you guys, we have a better society. Because you speak up and care about the world surrounding you. It is great the police can count on people like you. Like my friend Kat says, they do not wear a cape, but with or without a cape or superpowers, these people deserve all our attention and respect.

So keep on telling heroes! We love you and thank you.