A Visit To The Twilight Zone...

I went to see my ex, yesterday!!! Well, not Lionel but Dylan, the one I'll never get over! Lol, refer to the archives of September 13, 2005. Back then I tought I could get over him! Lol, but as always, he's back! This time, there's hope, I swear! Ok, it's been mostly a virtual relationship for months (a friendly one.) But I'm not giving up. It would be more interesting if we actually got to see each other sometimes. So far, it seems complicated partly because of where he lives...so let me comment my visit to what I call...The Twilight Zone!

I live in Montreal, and to me this is pretty much where life starts and ends. Suburbs?!? Definitly not my cup of tea. But my ex lives on the South Shore, always has. Now keep in mind, that me, crossing the bridge, tunnel or whatever I have to cross to get there is an event!!! One night, around midnight, he asked that I come see him. It wasn't the first time but I never thought he was serious whenever he asked so I thought I'd have some fun and see how far it'd get. Turns out he was serious! He said we'd watch a movie and then he'd drive me back home, I was working the next day so this was not suppose to be more than a 2-3 hours visit. Yeah right!

I hop into a cab, 30$ total! And I'm sooo broke, hope he realises how much I want to see him...well then again, I shouldn't complain, back in the days after the late night, that's what he'd spend to go back home to his gf. This time, he's finally left her for good and I wasn't even in the picture or asking (well I told him to get lost until he was single, but that's it!) I'm getting carried away, our story is probably somewhere in my blog, I'm not explaining again! Lol

Anyways, I get to his place finally, even by car the suburbs seem far. So good to see him again but I'm sooooo nervous. He makes me tour a little bit, very nice apartment and I get to meet the cat?!? Hmmm...he has a cat? That surprised me at first and then I had to flash my biggest fake smile when he said it was his ex's. She asked him to keep it but it's still hers, go figure! Man, don't get me wrong, I love cats, we have two at home, but for that moment I wanted to strangle that poor ugly cat just because it was hers. She HAD to find a way to stay in his life.

But then as it went on, it didn't strike me that he was seeing much of her! Ouf! Better now, I'm not a jealous person but man, that girl was the ex girlfriend from hell and I'm a girl that has trouble setting boundaries with a man. Bad mix! So anyhow I let him choose a movie from the one I brought and he choses "Nothing" (that is the title of the movie...) Now maybe it is because we were talking trying to catch up that we didn't get the movie or it was just horrible as I believe(if you've seen it let me know if it's worth another view.)

The whole night was pretty PG and there was no sign that it be otherwise but then he gently touched my face like he used to do...Now normally, I would've melted be like a puppy in his hands and that would've been such a night. Instead, I freaked! Can you believe that?! After waiting for sooo many years, I freak? We kissed a bit but I could tell there was no way in hell I'd let it get any further and I only had one idea in mind...RUN!!!! Lol

Wonder why?...Here's the explanation...

Danny Boy (Dylan's nickname if you didn't guess) and I are old history, it's been over since 2001 and yet, I couldn't move on. Three years later, I meet this guy, Lionel, who's too good to be true (and actually was, lol) and he was my first boyfriend after Dylan. Then I get a trip down to hell, when he breaks up he tells me I'm not being rational and I'm acting as if he were Dylan. That was a red flag, right? And yet, I couldn't see it. Anyways, we eventually managed to stay friends (very good friends if you know what I mean) and I didn't look for another guy.

Lionel, somehow knew all along that I was still in love with Dylan but I'd always deny. When he made a come back, I snapped at him thinking I was better off without him and not understanding what he wanted. I mean, he still was with his girlfriend and he had messed up my life enough as it was. I still had hopes Lionel and I would get back together and I basically told Dylan my heart was taken which was a big fat lie but anyways. Somehow in my crazy mind, I had associated Lionel to Dylan and that may have been the only reason why he was the only guy I had ever wanted to be with after Dylan...

When I saw him again last night, I realised how much he and Lionel were alike...Just that touch...and I freaked! It's a bit natural, I had made up my mind about definitly not wanting to be with Lionel, I accepted the fact that I was still madly in love with Dylan but to accept that to me Lionel was just a close enough clone?! Ishh...that was scary as hell. And that was pretty much the end of it. He got me back home and I just didn't know what to say, he couldn't understand why I'd barely want to kiss him and I had no explanation at the moment...

But I did explain tonight...by e-mail because I'm a coward for now. Now I have to speak to Lionel, maybe it'd be a good idea if we weren't even platonic friends...