What now?

I have a hard time making decisions...It's like the smallest decision I take will affect my whole life. Maybe not shake it down to the core but since I don't know what the master plan is...I guess I'm right to be a lil' scared. I just finished reading Lightning by Dean R. Kootnz, my favorite author. Wow, lol, for a person like me, that book is something.Then again I can't exactly tell why.

I'm looking for change right now. In the book there's a line that I will try to translate given that I read it in french, it's: "destiny fights to restore what was meant to be"...So I'm thinking, should I just take chances and do whatever the hell I want without thinking twice since I believe in fate which is was destiny is fighting for?

Am I making any sense? Thinking of long lost friends, when they get back into your life, somehow it was meant to be...or if they never do and you just keep living your separate ways isn't there a reason why? Hmmm...I guess it's just like letting go. I think I didn't give my credit to fate lately and I've been trying to make things happen a little too much. I'm thinking of just going with the flow, try a bit and just see what happens.

So no more trying, no more fighting, I'm leaving that to destiny. I won't try to force things anymore, 'cause if it's meant to be...This also means that I'm letting go of a couple of things and people. Sad but true, I think it's all related. I've started already. Hell if it's meant to be, they'll cross my path again someday but I won't try to force it.

Funny how we spend our life fighting instead of just letting it flow...I see something coming up for a friend and you know why I think it's coming? Because she stopped fighting and went on to live her life. Fate will take care of it. People tend to want to rush into it, we shouldn't. In a way, that's my hope. Something great is coming my way eventually. I'm not saying I will sit on my ass and wait for it but I'll stop trying to figure out waht it is and I'll just ive towards the goals I had and whatever that is will only make me more overjoyed when it comes my way.

It will be like a gift from destiny. Destiny has a gift for each and every one of us, I believe. And yeah, sometimes life sucks and you get hit by something bad when you least expect it, but believing in fate helps. Because in a way no matter what really does happen, it was meant to be. I think we have a certain amount of will power but that most of our life is already planned...already written somewhere. Maybe thatt's why some people are able to predict the future?

I saw a card reader about 2 years ago, I believe, hmmm...I'm not going to say she sucked, lol, she was right about everything in the past, made several mistake about my future and predicted other things I never wanted...well maybe when I was way younger! ;)

So I didn't meet the man of my life in march the next year, didn't start my business, didn't have twins! Lol, I'm far from that. So she predicted 3 kids when I wanted none or maybe one, a man when I was pretty much single and only had a fling in march..lol, definitly not the one...though he's coming back...Lol, also my business...well I'm an artist manager, it's sort of a business so I'll give her the benefice of the doubt. Lol, my ex, Dylan, contacted me, opposite to what she said. Hmmm...I'd have to listen to that tape again.

So yeah, apparently she sucks with timing so I'll just see. Still, it was interesting...yeah, I guess I'm out to listen to that tape again. See what fate has in store for me. And I won't make that happen believe me, my personal life plan was far from what seh predicted! So tell you how good she was in about 10-15 years. Lol, also will tell you if fate did a good job!

'Til then keep on livin'!!! :D