P.S.: I'm adding some explainations as I go...the text is old and some parts could be explained better.
In Less Than One Year
In less than one year, I started to believe in myself. In less than one year, I started to believe in my dreams. In less than one year, I changed my way of seeing life. In less than one year, I found the real me. In less than one year, I regained hope. I can say it took less than one year for my life to really begin.
We all have periods in our lives when we feel down. When it seems like nothing goes the way we planned. It's normal, we're human beings. We're not perfect. Sometimes, it's worse, you don't want to go any further, you've got more than just the blues. You're totally depressed. I was in Secondary 2 (second year of high school) when it happened to one of my friends. It took time to realize that I was depressed too. But when I realized it, I didn't want to ask for help because I would always do everything myself and I didn't want to look stupid with my little problems. I stopped hanging out with my usual friends, I would spend more time with that girl. It seemed like only we could understand each other. Maybe this is why it was dangerous. We both had problems, problems we felt couldn't be solved. I guess sharing our problems only made us feel worse. We started thinking about suicide. I remember how we would talk about it, in a way people wouldn't hink we had it in mind. Well, not completely, in some way, it was a cry for help, we wanted them to notice, to realize what was happening.
I used to wonder if she had more luck than I did but I realized she didn't. She went to see a psychologist and he said she had to go on a trip, she had to get away for a period of time to forget her problems (what she considered to be, it was more like getting away from the source.) She did. The time she was gone, at the beginning, I felt lonely. It was as if nobody cared as much as she did. I stopped believing in everything. It's around that time, that a teacher, I hadn't really paid attention to, saved, in some way, my life. As I said, my friend and I were thinking about suicide. I might sound selfish but now, I think the fact that she went away was the best thing to ever have happened to me, well, next to this teacher maybe.
When someone is absent, you can't speak to that person, so I couldn't speak to her, so I started to listen in class. That teacher was wonderful. He would treat us as equal, not like other people who feel they have to show they are superior or something. I learned a lot tjat year, he was more than only a French teacher and when I'm saying I learned a lot, I mean, I learned more than French. He would tell us to believe in ourselves, to beliweve in our dreams and not let anyone tear them away. He would always encourage us to do what we wanted to do an to be proud of ourselves. He told us that whatever our dream was, if we really believed in it we would succeed.
My friend wasn't as lucky as me, her trip made things worse for her, in some way because she fell in love and she had to come back. She found out she was pregnant and that less than a week after she got back home, he was already with another girl. She didn't keep the baby and I promised myself never to judge her. Instead I tried to understand what she was going through and to help her. I knew her reason and I respected her choice. It was hard because I have always been against abortion and I know she used to be. Still, she couldn't raise a baby in her state of mind.
When she came back, We both had changed, changed, but in very different ways. I wanted to make her understand that even if life wasn't wonderful, we could make ours better. I don't know, I guess she didn't understand or she didn't want to understand what I was trying to tell her because it seemed to me she wasn't getting any better. She moved, she said she'd keep in touch but she didn't really keep in touch. She would send a letter to someone we both knew and she would just say she was ok.
Today I've been told she's doing fine and that she has overcome her problems. I don't know how she did but I'm happy for her. I know not everyone has as much luck as we did . We didn't commit suicide and I think the only reason I'm here today is because I met a person who helped me. Personally, I can say, that year, I decided who I wanted to be, what kind of person I wanted to be. I decided to fight for what I believe is right, for what I deserve. Not to let anything or anyone bring me down and to always believe in myself. Because like one of my English teachers would say all the time: "If you don't scratch your own back, nobody else is going to do it for you."
I don't really have a conclusion because it's a period of my life and my life hasn't come to an end, yet. But, I think to conclude this text, nothing's more appropriate than my introduction so, like I said before: "In less than one year, I started to believe in myself. In less than one year, I started to believe in my dreams. In less than one year, I changed my way of seeing life. In less than one year, I found the real me. In less than one year, I regained hope. I can say it took less than one year for my life to really begin."
The writing isn't the best but I didn't want to modify it. It's a part of my life and funny part in a way is I was maybe 16 years old when I wrote that text and I still reach out to it every once in a while. To remind myself why I'm still here and why I can't give up. If there is one thing I want to remember after all this time is, and I quote form the text: "even if life wasn't wonderful, we could make ours better."
Keep that in mind. I sure try to, and when I forget, I reach for that text.
Love you all ;)
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