That's the title of a song by P!nk....I think it would be right to say that I'm totally lost and confused. I'm pretty sure I want to be alone. But how do you open up your mouth to say that to someone you love when you know it could hurt them?
I don't want to wait after love. I just wanna live and I know it should (and will) find me. It has in the past why not now? Love hurts...I know, but to what extend? Maybe I have unrealistic expectations for the one who'd share my life. Or maybe those who want to share my life have unrealistic expectations...
Hell, I hate this...Real love is selfless I believe, yet I find myself wanting to be selfish...maybe I don't believe anymore or don't feel the reciprocity. I don't think I do. I doubt I'm the saddest person on this earth or the only unlucky one in love. It just seems to me that whenever, I chose I'll always be wrong, I can never be right.
Blind dates maybe...I'd have my friends hunt for me, find me a perfect guy and take it from there. But I'm picky, lol, that idea wouldn't last long and after a friend tried to play matchmaker, I've realised she wasn't good at it and you can just have nothing in common (well when you don't talk it's hard to tell, lol) with someone! It wasn't a date, just a night out that turned out to be a total nightmare! Lol, I'm still trying to erase the memory. I might tell this story and other humiliating ones some other time.
I gotta come to the conclusion that I am not happy. My life is nothing like I expected, I can live with that, but perpetuating agonising situations is plain stupid. I'm taking a leap of faith, hoping life will treat me right after I turn around and decide to move on with my life.After all, from what I know, I told myself that if I dind't find what I was looking for, if I couldn't be happy, I'd chose me.
I had a list of things I wouldn't accept, but then again...love makes you blind. Man, I should refer to my "Everything You Want" blog whenever, I wanna get close to someone. One can only make a mistake a couple of times before moving on...Well, I sure hope! Lol
Enough blogs for today, you all take care and don't follow my example ;)
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